Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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