i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
