I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
