Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You pole danced in your parka.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
