Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
