Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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