In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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