So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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