i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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