my soul wont recognize me after tonight
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
