I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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