I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
