i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
