i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
