I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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