Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
