hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
