her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
