haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
