Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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