Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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