I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize