i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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