She is in my trunk
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
