You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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