I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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