kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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