Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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