my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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