Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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