Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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