I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Text me some of your sweat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
