Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
