Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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