She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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