You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize