dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
