her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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