Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
