Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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