So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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