so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just pee around me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
