My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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