it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
