Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
