dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
