I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
