I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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