oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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