Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
