Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My vagina just recognized that song.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
