How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
