i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
