Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
