Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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