I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My penis needs a shock collar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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