Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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