I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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