At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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