Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
