Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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