While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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