I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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