3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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