I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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