brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
