I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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