I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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