we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
