He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
