hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
