Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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